The Disorientation of A Mature Leader
“Leadership is lonely.”
I believed this statement for years. As a young leader, I listened to many mature & godly leaders discuss how to be faithful in ministry. Why? Because I wanted to learn from them.
I wanted mature wisdom.
I wanted mature guidance.
I wanted mature leadership.
So when some of the best Christian leaders of my time offered their wisdom to warn young men & women that leadership was lonely, I listened.
Do you know who first said that in the church world? Bill Hybels.
Do you know who popularized it again? Mark Driscoll.
Two disgraced pastors who had no accountability, close friends, or elders to rescue them before they fell into deep sin.
Is leadership lonely?
Or were those two men lonely leaders?
Thus, the disorientation.
It is extremely difficult to parse the difference between a mature leader’s lived (and fallen) experience and objective reality.
For example, let’s examine the statement from a mature leader that says “Leadership is lonely.”
Is this THE truth? Or was this YOUR trauma?
Is this THE way? Or was this YOUR way?
Is this THE right principle? Or was this YOUR broken path?
Or, in more personal terms, we are asking:
Is leadership lonely? Or were YOU lonely?
Is influence isolating? Or did YOU isolate yourself?
Is it lonely at the top? Or did YOU not have a friend?
The sad news is that the older we get and the longer we live, the more we begin to replicate the culture of our hearts into the culture of the people around us.
The Process of Cellular Aging
As you get older, things begin to break down.
Even though I’m just 30 years old, I am beginning to feel it. I love kickboxing, jiu-jitsu, and just about any combat sport. And it is wild to feel the difference in how sore I get as I become older.
My shoulders are getting tight.
My calves are cramping quicker.
My back is hurting more.
As we age, our bodies begin to break down physically due to a process called cellular aging. As our cells age, our bodies break down, our skin gets thinner, our muscles weaken, and we are prone to all types of illnesses and diseases that, as young men and women, wouldn’t touch us.
But have you taken the time to learn about the process of cellular aging? You probably haven’t, but I learned something very interesting, which is a great parable of Christian life.
Here's what happens during aging:
Cell Copies: Every time a cell makes a copy of itself, it's like making a photocopy. At first, the copies are pretty good.
Wear and Tear: Over time, with each new copy, tiny mistakes start to happen. These mistakes are like smudges on a photocopy. The more copies you make, the more smudges (mistakes) there are.
Damage Accumulates: Cells also get damaged from things like sunlight, bad food, and stress. If they can't repair themselves perfectly, the damage builds up
Unhealthy Processes: Sometimes, cells forget how to work properly because of all the mistakes and damage. They might start doing things they shouldn't, or they might stop doing their job well.
Eventually, after our cells have reproduced improperly for so long, we are unable to stay alive.
Did you catch that?
On a cellular level, as we get older, we reproduce the worst parts of us.
And then we die.
Many mature leaders have replicated their cancerous cells in their followers, and they have metastasized into entire ministry philosophies. Many mature leaders have unknowingly multiplied their own brokenness and then systematized it. Many mature leaders passed down their trauma and fallenness like a rebellious recessive gene poised to wreak havoc for generations.
So, how do we navigate these mature waters?
Navigating Mature Waters
Age is formational & deformational.
Maturity is formational & deformational.
Pain is formational & deformational.
In other words, our life experiences can make us more like Jesus, or it can make us less like Jesus And hint, hint — godliness doesn’t happen by accident. For example, Richard Rohr said in his book, *A Spring Within Us: A Book of Daily Meditations:*
*“If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it—*usually to those closest to us: our family, our neighbors, our co-workers, and, invariably, the most vulnerable, our children.” - Fr. Richard Rohr
Therefore, we must be constantly aware that whatever is transformed by our Father will be transferred into our son’s lives.
So, how do we young leaders, poised to soak every ounce of wisdom up like sponges, navigate waters filled with rotten experiences?
We have to test everything. In 1 Thessalonians 5:21, the Apostle Paul tells his young friends to:
[19] Do not quench the Spirit. [20] Do not despise prophecies, [21] but test everything; hold fast what is good. - 1 Thessalonians 5:19–21 (ESV)
Because the fact of the matter is that a leader’s lived experience is not our ultimate standard. And anytime we make a fallen man our standard, we take our eyes off of the God-man who IS our standard. With that in mind, we must filter a mature (or immature) leader’s wisdom through the lens of God’s revealed will in scripture.
We test everything.
Is leadership lonely? Perhaps it can be? But surely it doesn’t have to be?
Is it impossible to lead your friends? Maybe? But doesn’t Jesus call us friends?
Is “further faster” the goal? That sounds nice. Or is that our American culture’s goal?
Mature waters are disorienting. They are filled with life rafts to rescue you from life’s storms. But there’s a danger beneath the surface, too.
I guess the goal is just to swim with your Father.
He’ll get you to those heavenly shores.